Sunday, February 22, 2009

If There Is Anyone Who Deserves to Burn In Hell...

... it would be the clown who invented "clamshell" packaging.

Maybe when they finally get around to inventing a phaser rifle, we'll be able to open these goddamn things without the risk of injury. Until then, about the only way to open one of these buggers is to put on a pair of heavy leather (or kevlar) gloves and then attacking the clamshell with a pair of large scissors.

The people who invented it should be condemned to an eternity in Hell, having to open clamshell packages with only a small pair of dull scissors.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Trifecta: Orange, Annoying and Antisocial

Chester, the Cheetos tiger.

it's the only snack food that openly promotes sabotaging people.

Yes, some of them are annoying, and most have it coming to them.

But really. Isn't there something really wrong with this? Chester should be...

Ah, who the fuck am I kidding? Chester should be given a medal or something. Most of the people who were sabotaged in the Cheetos commercials deserved to be stood in front of a wall and shot.

Go get them, Chester.

(By the way, can you buy Cheetos in Northern Ireland? I'll bet not.)

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Sales Propaganda For Clueless Hets

"He went to Jared!"
In this economy, nothing says "I love you" like giving the woman you love an overpriced piece of jewelry that you could have purchased for a third of the price from a pawn shop, just because you saw some stupid commercials.

Seriously, guys. There's more to jewelry than a high price tag and "man, is that ever shiny." You might as well buy a car because its color matches your favorite shirt. She may have some preferences in that matter, so if you are so out of ideas that you have to go to Shiny McMarkup, make sure she can return it and keep the receipt.