Wednesday, April 29, 2009


Where, oh where do I start?
First, the King himself is pure therapy fodder for any kiddies who watch his shiny, pedophiley face and gigantic noggin perched upon his normal adult male body, which incidentally is wearing a freakin' skirt, bobby socks and pointy Mary Janes.
But with burger joints like BK to blame for kazillions of obese children, are square butts really something they should be shooting for?
Didja ever see a woman with a square butt? Was she skinny?
No, she was not.
Butts are not square by nature. It takes a lotta lard to get a butt to turn square, unless you're a yellow kitchen sponge, and they don't exist, much less eat burgers.
And besides, this ad featuring square butts shows rectangular butts, not square butts.
It would be like Sesame Street characters singing 'The Circle Game' while playing with ovals.
And what's with calling them butts?
When I was little, butt was a bad word. I guess now a three-year-old tells his pediatrician he doesn't want a shot in his butt?

So let's review:

The King is creepy enough.
Sir Mix-a-Lot's original song, "I Like Big Butts" refers to a sexual preference, and should toddlers start preferring certain types of body parts at that age?
Sponge Bob Squarepants is almost as creepy as The King.
Square butts are nothing to shoot for.
Rectangles are not squares.
'Butt' is too mature a word for toddlers to be throwing around.

How would I kill this character?
With telephone book-piercing ammunition and a couple of blasts to the butt.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Soldiers! Destroy That Nose!

If you watch the news, you've probably seen the Omnaris ad with the legion of itty biddy soldiers who muscle up a nose spray to some woman suffering from allergies or congestion or a lack of cocaine.

This is the ad:

The really stupid thing about this ad is its obvious use of imagery from the movie Patton.

Reaching back to a movie that is nearly thirty years old would seem to be to be an advertising strategy that is insane beyond belief: "Hey, let's target our advertising for our new allergy drug to people who are old enough to join AARP." At this time of year, lots of people suffer from allergies, not just people who use glucosamine pills to lubricate their joints.

May the allergy sufferer sneeze and blow all of those little bastards to Hell.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

The GEICO Eyes

I'm almost ashamed I have GEICO car insurance.
I don't mind their little British gecko, but between the cavemen and this ad, I often consider dumping GEICO just out of principle.
Perhaps they should skip all this insipid advertising, fire their ad agency, lower their rates and hire a spokesperson to just say that?

I mean, come on, who wants disembodied eyes following them around?
Here's my plan for killing them off. Put them in my driveway and I'll back over them until they're flattened out and blind.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Sack and hack in Hackensack

Look at these characters at this jewelry store in Hackensack NJ
like Ducks in a row....