Thursday, July 31, 2008

Archeologically Annoying

The Jonathan Carnahan character in the Mummy series

Completely untrustworthy and just an all-around gutless weasel. It's a wonder he hasn't been hired by the Bush Administration.

He should be chained to Jar-Jar Binks

Financially Annoying

The "I lost another loan to Ditech" banker dude:

These asswipes were among the purveyors of loans that formed the housing bubble. That our economy is in bad shape right now is, in no small amount, due to these clowns.

May this character be shanked in the joint following his fraud conviction.

Who the F is she?

I actually did a whole post about her on my blog

Rula Lenska
aka Rosa-Marie Leopoldnya Lubienska

she had friends in America and she used Alberto VO5 - which is more like the grease they used on bicycle seats

Annoying and famous for being unknown
now that is a tough combo to beat

Tropically Annoying

Robin Crusoe, the CDW computer customer.

This clown lives on a desert island with his monkey lover, he needs lots of computers, but there is no indication that he has any electrical service. And he only owns one shirt.

Deadly tropical diseases, anyone?

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Cellularly Annoying; Pt. 2

The Alltel Wireless dude:

and his pack of assholes:

I have only known a couple of guys who have gone by the name of "Chad" or "Chaz;" neither one of them were worth the cost of a bullet.

So yes, brain cancer from cell phone radiation sounds like a fitting demise for these putzim.

Too obvious

This one is too obvious so let's get it out of the way...

Annoying by Radio Waves

The Verizon "can you hear me now" technician.

Besides doing stupid-ass shit such as riding on top of a speeding train, this clown even faked a pregnancy to see if his phone would work when he was having labor.

An exploding cell phone would do the job. I think you can get them from the Mossad.

Now Elmo is going to eat your tasty soul!

This furry little red git is enough to piss off the Pope.

Between his high-pitched, serial-killer-on-meth laugh ("Now Elmo is going to use the ice pick to gouge out your eyes!Ha-ha!"), and the fact that there is almost nothing the Children's Television Workshop whores WON'T brand with Elmo, there's no escaping him.

Oh, I have no idea why Elmo talks about Elmo's ownself in the third person all the time -- maybe Elmo is possessed by the Viagra-ridden specter of Bob Dole -- but Cranky Professor wishes Elmo would stop.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Home on the Range

when this annoying and asinine gnome starts singing
..and the answer is home, home on the range
in that affected manner

you actually look forward to the part when he gets tossed off the side of the cliff

Big-Pharma Annoying

The "split-apart" characters in the Caduet ads:

If they are going to split people apart, there should be swords or saws and copious amounts of blood. None of this pansy-ass splitting because they were walking around a tree and forgot which med they needed to take.

Run these characters through a sawmill's bandsaw.


If ever there was anyone in need of a ground-glass-and-habanero enema, it's this guy:

Billy Mays -- late-night Crap Pimp Extraordinaire!

This moldy douchebag has his own Wikipedia page, and hawks a staggering forty-damn-three different products "not available in stores, call now and we'll supersize your order for only $19.95!"

All sales pitches are delivered at a staggeringly loud decibel level, with an increasing level of hysteria and enthusiasm, guaranteed to make you want to grab a firearm and Elvis your TV.

Can this guy just choke on a wad of mighty putty?

Six Flags; Newly Annoying

By suggestion, the new Six Flags dude:

He replaced the Creepy Old Guy. At least the Creepy Old Guy could drive a bus and dance. All this clown can do is scream "more flags! more fun!"

Death by amusement park ride malfunction?

Monday, July 28, 2008

Six Flags

I am not sure if this commercial character is around anymore
and I hope he is not

Six Flags Old Creep

I sure hope he is pushing daisies

Another Annoying Car Insurance Character

Flo, the checkout girl at the Progressive store:

She has to be a good actress, though, for anybody who was really that excited about selling car insurance would be in a straitjacket and on a constant Thorazine IV drip.

Death by cranial explosion when someone gets a really good deal on their car insurance?

One thing you may note about my posts as this blog goes on is that they are going to focus mainly on characters in commercials. I do not watch a lot of television shows; if a character was annoying enough for me, I probably had quit watching the show by then. The last TV character that I found thoroughly annoying was the Joxer character in Xena, Warrior Princess and, if my memory is correct, they killed him off anyway. dude

and she beat me by 14 minutes

first of all the when you go to it AIN'T free
you need to go to for your free report

second of all - the commercial sucks. in one he trashes his wife because she has bad credit - -what a douche!

third of all -- i watch WAY too much MSNBC and see this commercial WAY too often

so please put us out of our misery - KILL THIS DUDE AGAIN!

Credit Where Credit Is Do

For my first outing on this blog of dreams (or nightmares), I wish to suggest this guy be thoroughly and soundly disposed of....

Because what about his credit? Can't he support them? If not, what the hell does he have to bitch about exactly? (H/T Dr. Zaius)

Oh, let's see, how would like to see him offed? I'm thinking his dream girl could smother him with his pillow. It will have a clean pillow case thanks to her.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Continually Annoying

Just about every character played by Will Ferrell:

By the time he's played his 57th character of a man-child who has not yet mentally grown up, maybe people will tire of it. But since the latest steaming heap of excrement he made pulled in $30+ million on its opening weekend, that day has not yet arrived.

Being killed by an exploding fart would be rather fitting, don't you think?

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Mulling It Over

I sort of think that for reasons of good taste, that this blog ought to deal with the proposed killing off of fictional characters and leave the calls for killing real people to the lunatics on the far Right.

Having said that, I am not at all sure where to draw the line. Exhibit A: Billo the Clown.

I'm not convinced that he is indeed a real person, for he seems to be too much of a caricature along the lines of Stephen Colbert's "Colbert Report."

Any thoughts?

Historically Annoying

The Geico Caveman.

This particular character got terribly old after the second or third commercial.

The Neanderthals lost the Battle of Natural Selection tens of thousands of years ago. There was a reason for that. This character needs to be beaten with a heavy stick.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Is There A Lower Age Limit on Annoying?

I don't think so. This is the "E-Trade baby".

Maybe the kid will choke on his Blackberry.

The First One Who Should Be Whacked!

The Enzyte Dude:

I'm thinking his erection should burst and he bleeds out. Comment lines are open.