Thursday, August 28, 2008

Arrr. Walk the Plank!

Captain Morgan
The commercials for Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum could only be more misogynistic if they showed a guy drinking the stuff and beating his girlfriend with a chain. They market it by having promotional teams of young women, the "Captain Morgan Girls," visit bars and pose with guys who, the last time they tried to get that close to an attractive woman, got served with restraining orders.

This booze is named after a vicious pirate/privateer admiral who once ordered his forces to storm a Spanish fort by using priests and nuns as human shields. There seems to be some moronic trend for naming rums after bloodthirsty pirates. Maybe this trend can be broadened; one can only assume that, in a few hundred years after most of the notoriety wears off, people will be eating at the Jeffrey Dahmer Steakhouse.

(OK, there is an Alferd Packer Grill, at the University of Colorado [motto: Have a Friend for Lunch], but given the level of college food 40 years ago, the name was more of a commentary on cafeteria food than anything else.)

Keelhaul this character under a ship infested with barnacles.


Please, no spam.